The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
