just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
