for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
