i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
