Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think i got beer on your cat.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
