how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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