I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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