My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
