whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
