i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
