My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
