Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
