arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
