I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
