I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
operation have a gay friend backfired
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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