Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
