I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
