I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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