I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
