apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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