Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
