I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
