What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
