I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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