so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
