we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
