On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
