I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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