My cat gives me a boner
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
