fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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