I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
