I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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