Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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