Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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