Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
