Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
