I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
