i was born a porn star she said
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
