If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
