I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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