also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize