Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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