last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
