I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
