Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
