Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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