your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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