He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
