that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
