ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
